You can have the wrong words. You can have too many words.
You can have words that are misused, poorly judged, and are full of clichés—jumbled into sentences that don’t give the right tone for your audience.
You can even fill your communications with jargon that nobody really understands and maybe you too wish you didn’t have to use.
Or you can talk to us.
That way you get what you want: you get to tell your story in a way that gets people's
attention—and keeps it.
We tell your story, simply and effectively. With the occasional nicely chosen word.
After your advertisement on Brand Republic, I imagine a lot of people are singing their own praises to you at the moment. Blah blah blah. Yadda yadda yadda. (Where blah = a superlative and yadda = a dubious claim to global pre-eminence.)
I’m not going to bother. There’s already too much noise in the world. Sometimes you just don’t want certain people talking to you – like the weirdo in the lobster suit, standing behind you in the bank queue. Or the copywriter.
Why should I add to the clamour? Besides, I only know two sure-fire methods of getting attention. One involves throwing myself off a balcony into a skip full of rusty washing machines. And neither works well via email.
It doesn’t help that my parents raised me to believe that it’s vain and shallow to talk about oneself. This made life difficult during a childhood trip to my doctor, who was truculent by nature and angered by this strange child, who was reluctant to discuss his symptoms for fear of being accused of showing-off. He resorted to beating the truth out of me with a football sock full of oranges. At the resulting Medical Board enquiry, he claimed it helped with Vitamin C deficiency.
Ever since, I’ve been the picture of health. So your cold winter holds no fear for me. Anyway, it drops to –15C where I live now. And I’ve swum in ice-holes in Finland, so know only too well the sharp contraction of pain in what health professionals call "the special little areas," provoked by emerging from a frozen lake into –22C air.
What else can I say? I have a profound dislike of jargon, partly because it’s almost always used to obfuscate, but mainly because I don’t usually understand it. Oh, and I like cycling and beer, and know that Copenhagen is wonderful for both.
But I see you also have offices elsewhere. I’ve worked before in Düsseldorf, and have friends who live near Zurich. I like both places.
So I thought that maybe, once you decide I’m not good enough for the job you’ve advertised, you might think about using me as an occasional freelance copywriter.
I don’t have a website. I suppose I ought to have, but so many people have one, and it's that noise thing again. Plus I’ve never got over the fact that a gorilla once did a live web-chat. (Mostly about going to the lavatory and eating fruit – I’ve seen the transcripts.)
I’m going on holiday for a week, now (it’s a trick I’ve learned from French artisans – turn up, feign interest, then disappear without a trace). So... well, have a nice week.